No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
