I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
