she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
