wakey wakey hands off snakey
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
