WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
