i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We talked him into tasing himself.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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