I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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