doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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