Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
