I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
