are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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