butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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