This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
