so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
