Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
