You made me cry and you don't even care
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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