Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
