love makes seman taste better
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
