I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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