Where did you get a picture of my penis
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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