piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
