I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
