You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Randomize
