what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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