I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
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And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
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She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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