May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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