I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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