I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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