how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
