Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
