Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Soap is not a condiment
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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