i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
