They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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