I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
