mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize