My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
