the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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