i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
