I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
