Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
