u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
