I want to have your abortion
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
