Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
