Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
