Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
