You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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