I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
cat food counts as protein by the way
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
