Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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