I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
