I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am mentally ready for anal.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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