You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I am one with the molecules
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
