Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
