You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
