You're so nebulous sometimes
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
