White coat. Heels.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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