I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
