I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
