chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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