They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
