I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
