I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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