FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
