What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
