id be glad to
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
