Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just had sex on a roof
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
