Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
