Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
