what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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