Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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