I was born with a shot glass in my hand
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
