You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
