How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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