There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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