dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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