someone get that fucking seahorse.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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