So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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