i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
